The Contemporary Mind

I was browsing through my past entries, it's actually quite entertaining to read some of the things i wrote about from a few years back. I must say though, some of the things i did write i don't even remember them myself, let alone keep up with my own train of thought. Not that i was smarter than now (well maybe i was) but the normal part of growing up is ridding yourself of these dumb contemplatible subjects (is that even word?), you cram your mind with school, work, relationships, dead lines, events, and just about anything else that take up your time that no one ever does stop to just reflect.

And not just for the sake of "stopping to smell the roses" but simply taking a few minutes of your day to really put yourself on the spot and ask yourself, what am i doing with my life?

I have to admit that being so busy with being busy I think i've severed the ties between my subconscious mind and the front that you see me today. I wish i was a deeper thinker, my own philosophist, or at least trick myself into thinking i'm much more than what i'm really capable of.

I watch myself be so worried about the details of the world that i forget what the bigger picture is. People always tell me that it's important to have goals in life, short and long term, and i agree but sometimes i feel like i'm just chasing these goals robotically, because it's expected of me, not because I really comprehend.
My mind works in slowmotion, but time is in overdrive. While i still like to believe I'm a kid at heart, outside, I'm 19 years old with a lot of decisions to make, goals to fulfill, responsibilties to take, and people to fake (jk).

Lately, God is really forcing me to see myself for who I am, I could barely stand to stare at myself like that, but i have to. He's asking me what I want out of my life here on earth, what i want out of college, what i want out of today... w h a t d o i w a n t ?

This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us - whatever we ask - we know that we have what we asked of him.
                                               1 John 5:14-15

I Lied

Xanga is making a comeback, Jackie Chan style!

Actually i was influenced by JessicaKung, I haven't even looked at my xanga for more than a year.
I've actually been pretty facebook-happy for quite some time now, however, i do miss personalizing layouts that consumed the hours of my life. In other words, i needed a hobby.

I'm too lazy to actually go out and make one for myself, so this will have to do for now.
I have no idea when or why I will make a new entry after this...
i hate my layout.

somebody inspire me!

http://michellebites.blogspot.com

xanga no mo'

It's Been Awhile...

since i wrote anything worth writing about...

I've noticed that during these past years i have either lost myself completely, or found myself wholly. If that even makes sense...

I've put myself in situations or have surrounded myself with things that don't really matter nor anything remotely related to myself...

but then again...

maybe that's normal.
maybe i'm just changing...

but i hope it's for the better. I think of myself as an optimist, but where do i really stand? Maybe i'm not so optimistic as i thought i was if i keep on asking questions, and doubting certain motives of certain people at certain times. Or perhaps i'm just seeing myself in them... do I have other motives at certain people at certain times?

Sometimes i even confuse myself... do i even have an identity? How can i communicate with others if i don't even understand how to communicate with myself? Now, before i go off sounding like a self-loathing MTV-loving average teen... i'd like to say that I'm NOT  self-loathing nor MTV-loving...

i don't even have cable. i'm just an average person...
which actually explains a lot of things.

I shouldn't be left alone at home...
that's when i start to think because there's nothing else to intoxicate my thoughts.

we're all victims to the "cool" kids, the age-defying beauties, and american idols.

and even among the massive traffic of insignificant materials, lust, emotion, and sin...
i still tremble, fear, love more than anything else in the world...
God

even if i wanted to, i'm not able to shake myself of Him, take myself from Him...
because everything seems to go back to Him anyway. No matter how blind, how far, how many times i forget... everything is just the same. I don't know what He is, or how He became, i've never seen His face, heard His voice, but i know He calls. It's one of those few things that i'm sure about, and i'm never sure about anything.

and i think that's enough rambling today. I've emptied out my conscience to start clean again this week. I'm probably will be going back to the way I was because i feel the most comfortable as myself, i'll probably stutter, trip, and fall all over again.

but... =]

Ok Kids, Try This on for Size

Oh My Goodness... !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've just heard the most exciting news ever! Butch has now finished his 3rd solo album! HAHA now he's going into the studios to record 1969's debut album, that ones coming out in the summer. I have no idea when his solo album is coming out, but i hope pretty freakin soon!

What's the coolest thing so far is one, Butch is friends with Fall Out Boy. Second, he somehow got the London Symphony Orchestra to record with him on his new album. Now that's something, i'm really curious to what his new songs are like. I'm so jealous of the people in England, Butch played a show and he played a lot of new songs off his new album.

Ahh...